Despite my own NRL team stinking up the joint, I must say the 2023 season was one of the most enjoyable in recent history. Whether it was the feel-good story of the Dolphins early season success, the re-emergence of the Warriors, or Paul Kent disappearing from the public eye, there just seemed to be more optimism and happiness this year.

Well, unless you were a Tigers fan.

Now the season has sadly concluded, it’s time for me to front up and revisit my fearless pre-season predictions.

Just a warning though: this article contains some content that viewers may find disturbing. Yes, that’s just how bad some of this year’s prediction were.

Let’s rip this off like some old ankle tape, shall we?

(Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

The Dolphins won’t get wooden spoon

The overwhelming vast majority of footy fans – and the bookies – had the Dolphins ‘winning’ the spoon in 2023. But not I!

Whilst the media made plenty of noise about the Dolphins failure to land a marquee signing, it conveniently overlooked the fact the club landed the biggest name of all: supercoach Wayne Bennett.

Bennett’s no-frills coaching and simple message of ‘run hard, tackle hard’ was the perfect strategy for a team devoid of stars, but big on effort. The club ambushed the Roosters in round one, and proceeded to be the surprise packet of the competition in the first half of season.

Eventually their lack of depth caught up with them as injuries and suspensions destroyed their early momentum, seeing the club fall and finish outside of the eight. Yet they were a long way from the dreaded spoon, and therefore deliver me a correct prediction first up.

Verdict: 1 point

Matt Burton will take home the Dally M Medal

Moving forward, I really need to take off my Bulldogs jersey when I do these predictions.

Burton showed flashes of individual brilliance throughout the season, but was asked to do a little too much for the battling Belmore boys. He was inconsistent, at best, and the Dogs’ overall struggles certainly didn’t help his Dally M cause either.

Not only did he not win the medal, he didn’t even finish in the top 10. So I guess you can put this down as an incorrect prediction.

Verdict: 0 points

Penrith celebrate a third consecutive NRL premiership in the change rooms. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

Panthers won’t make the Grand Final

Penrith won the minor premiership – again – before demolishing the Warriors and Storm to qualify for their fourth straight grand final. Then they won the premiership. For the third year in a row.

In a long history of shockingly bad predictions, this one might just be my worst.

I’m tempted to take away the one correct point I’ve already been awarded as punishment for how horrendously bad this take was.

Verdict: 0 points

Wests Tigers won’t be hot garbage

Oh, so the Panthers prediction was my worst ever, huh? Well hold my beer!

Knowing this prediction sounded a little ambiguous, I ensured it was a little more tangible by stating: “The Tigers won’t finish in the bottom four, and will have a points differential of -120 or better.”

Well, the Tigers did finish in the bottom four – dead last, actually – with a points differential of -290.

Wow.

I really though the Tigers would be better this season, but they remain the unfunny laughing stock of the NRL.

Verdict: 0 points

My ladder prediction (with team’s actual finish in parentheses)

1. Panthers (1st)
2. Roosters (7th)
3. Sharks (6th)
4. Storm (3rd)
5. Rabbitohs (9th)
6. Eels (10th)
7. Cowboys (11th)
8. Bulldogs (15th)
9. Raiders (8th)
10. Sea Eagles (12th)
11. Knights (5th)
12. Broncos (2nd)
13. Tigers (17th)
14. Titans (14th)
15. Dragons (16th)
16. Dolphins (13th)
17. Warriors (4th)

Certainly not the worst ladder prediction I’ve done, with the Panthers and Titans selections bang on, and three more teams within one place of their actual finish.

The biggest shocker was the Warriors, who rode their ‘Up the Wahs!’ momentum all the way to a top four finish, and a very, very long way away from my wooden spoon prognostication. Much to my chagrin, and the glee of my ‘Day One’ Warriors mates.

Overall

A score of 1 point reads a lot better than the reality: these may have been my worst ever predictions! Just absolute hot trash, and I deserve any and all scorn from Roarers.

The good news is that there’s always next season!